The beginning

'I'm looking forward to reading this,' said Big Daddy.

I wasn't listening.  I was watching Man United beat Real Sociedad by one (offiside) goal and browsing Facebook on my phone. 

Digression: I swore I would never do that and avoided smart phones for ages.  I do it all the time.  I am that asshole. 

Ryan Giggs was being amazing and I think Morrissey is a dick.  I'd already told Clint he was 'feeding the monster' by actually buying Autobiography.  If I was going to read it I was going to get it from my local library.

'OH FUCK OFF! JUST FUCK OFF!'

I don't like being interrupted when I'm watching United (unless it's by Facebook, obviously) but I was amused. 'What's the problem?' I asked Big Daddy.

'Oh, Morrissey, he's just a fucking dickhead. He thinks this is fucking Charles Dickens.  He thinks he was so fucking poor.  What an asshole.  I know the neighborhood. I grew up there, it's not like that.  It wasn't like that.'

He carried on reading and I heard the following things:

'Fuck you.'

'Oh, you think you're Oliver Twist.  Fuck off.'

'Shut up.'

Then he laughed and said, 'this is the first time we've met Morrissey's sister.'

'The first time Morrissey met her?  Is she younger?'  God, I'm hilarious.

'No, she's two years older,' he said.  He pretends he's not amused by me but he is.  I'm fucking hysterical. 'This is the first time Morrissey's introduced her in the book.'

Big Daddy then read a passage from Autobiography where SPM's sister gets him to sniff Pond's cold cream (already a woman after my own heart) and shoves his nose into the jar in a classic dick move (again with the after my heart thing) and said, 'I love his sister already.'


Interesting fact: Big Daddy works with a woman who is this sister's BFF from childhood.  SPM wrote her a poem for her 16th birthday (she still has it) and they used to harass him by calling him 'Steven' because he hated it.


When I went to bed Big Daddy continued to rant about SPM's florid prose.  His initial reaction?  'No wonder he never became a writer.'

SICK BURN, BIG DADDY!  Ouch.


NB: the conversations are paraphrased but the gist is accurate.